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The “I don’t like it bite” – fussy eaters refusing new foods

Adding foods, Creating Confident Eaters, Success stories / By
The “I don’t like it bite”, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, #TheIDon’tLikeItBite, # TheIDon’tLikeItBiteForFussyEaters, #TheIDon’tLikeItBiteForPickyEaters, #TheConfidentEater, #FussyEatingNZ, #TryNewFoods #HelpForFussyEating, #HelpForFussyEaters, #FussyEater, #FussyEating, #PickyEater, #PickyEating, #SupportForFussyEaters, #SupportForPickyEaters, #CreatingConfidentEaters, #TryNewFood #PickyEatingNZ #HelpForPickyEaters, #HelpForPickyEating, #Wellington, #NZ, #JudithYeabsley

The “I don’t like it” bite

Refusing new foods is the one of the core aspects of picky eating. Taking one bite (or more likely a nano nibble) and declaring it unacceptable is also the bane of many parents’ lives.

Whether you have a food box with frequent new dishes, the cheaper version with a menu plan like Meals Mapped Out, or would just love your child to eat new foods, this article is for you.

Although it is based around the experience of one family who did order food boxes, if you are finding your child/children take a quick bite and declare every new food a “no” this is also for you.

A “no thank you bite” is quite a popular suggestion among parents with fussy eaters, and even some professionals working in the sphere.

I am not fond of it on two levels:

1. It is quite a negative concept. Even the wording is pre-empting a no!

2. For children who find food difficult, pushing them to take a bite can be anxiety producing. I believe food is about love and pleasure. Forcing someone to do something does not fit into that ethos.

However, even if you are not using the “no thank you bite”, many children still create their own version, the “I don’t like it” bite.

Frequently, this is about pleasing a parent or seeking an alternative food as the one on the table is not ticking boxes.

I was speaking to a family where the “I don’t like it” bite had become a major and very frustrating part of their routine. They have kindly allowed me to share their story with you.

Their story could be particularly valuable if you are finding your children are negative about a meal before you even start. 

Avoiding the “I don’t like it” bite

I spoke to Kath* as she was finding mealtimes increasingly stressful on the weeks when the family were using a food delivery service meal.

The “I don’t like it bite”. Fussy eaters NZ, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, food box, #helpaddingfoodsfussyeating, #foodboxesfussyeaters, #helpaddingfoodforpickyeaters, #foodboxespickyeaters #theconfidenteater, #fussyeatingNZ, #pickyeatingNZ #helpforpickyeaters, #helpforpickyeating, #recipespickyeaterswilleat, #recipesfussyeaterswilleat #winnerwinnerIeatdinner, #Recipesforpickyeaters, #Foodforpickyeaters, #wellington, #NZ, #judithyeabsley, #helpforfussyeating, #helpforfussyeaters, #fussyeater, #fussyeating, #pickyeater, #pickyeating, #supportforpickyeaters, #creatingconfidenteaters, #newfoods, #bookforpickyeaters, #thepickypack, #funfoodsforpickyeaters, #funfoodsdforfussyeaters

They were able to choose four from eight choices and so consciously looked for meals that would be easier for their 9, year old, daughter and 5, year old, son to manage. Their daughter was not super fussy, but their son really struggled to accept new foods.

On the week of the food box, without fail, the children would ask what was for dinner that night before going to school. They would immediately complain and declare they wouldn’t like it.

I am sure this is behaviour that many families of a picky eater recognize!

That evening at the meal table, their daughter would have a tiny bite and decide it wasn’t something she wanted more of. Their son would refuse to even try it.

Kath and her husband were despairing as they wanted to continue to use the food box every fortnight but could see it was becoming an ongoing battle and was possibly even making their children’s eating worse.

My opinion: My first observation was that the children were making a decision on the food first thing in the morning. They were deciding in advance it was going to be awful and then spent the day ruminating on those thoughts.

When dinner was served their daughter took a bite but with the knowledge that she would dislike the food.

Their son was unable to even taste it as by evening, his thoughts confirmed the food was absolutely not going to be to his liking.

However, even though the daughter put a nano portion of food into the mouth there was no intention to like the food. She approached it hesitantly, with the face screwed up (something I have seen over and over) and this generally means the taste is a total waste of time in terms of progress. Pre-deciding you will dislike something usually guarantees you will!

The “I don’t like it bite”. Fussy eaters NZ, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, positive narrative, #helpaddingfoodsfussyeating, #foodboxesfussyeaters, #helpaddingfoodforpickyeaters, #foodboxespickyeaters #theconfidenteater, #fussyeatingNZ, #pickyeatingNZ #helpforpickyeaters, #helpforpickyeating, #recipespickyeaterswilleat, #recipesfussyeaterswilleat #winnerwinnerIeatdinner, #Recipesforpickyeaters, #Foodforpickyeaters, #wellington, #NZ, #judithyeabsley, #helpforfussyeating, #helpforfussyeaters, #fussyeater, #fussyeating, #pickyeater, #pickyeating, #supportforpickyeaters, #creatingconfidenteaters, #newfoods, #bookforpickyeaters, #thepickypack, #funfoodsforpickyeaters, #funfoodsdforfussyeaters

My advice: Change the narrative – which is often not a five-minute fix. It takes time to change the way we talk about and approach food, but it is an essential part of making progress. If children decide at 8.00am dinner will be awful, they are likely to have their fears confirmed 😊

I also do not attempt to change children’s minds on whether they will like the food, as that often just descends into a negative debate. Rather, I explain calmly that food is not to be spoken about negatively. ‘One person’s yuck is another’s yum’ and so it’s rude to be bad-mouthing the food box options 😉

Option B: At dinner, very little was being eaten on food box nights, so Kath was finding herself making a simple alternative for the children.

I’m not a big fan of “eat it or starve” as this does not build a love of food, nor create the positive environment at the table which is critical for progress. I am also though, not fond of ‘Option B’.

If you serve a food and your child can decide they don’t like it and so get an alternative, that can lead down a road that is counter to progress.

When I was younger, side-stepping the gristly stew and getting a sandwich instead would have been magic, I’d have voted for it every time!

The “I don’t like it bite”. Fussy eaters NZ, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, sandwich, #helpaddingfoodsfussyeating, #foodboxesfussyeaters, #helpaddingfoodforpickyeaters, #foodboxespickyeaters #theconfidenteater, #fussyeatingNZ, #pickyeatingNZ #helpforpickyeaters, #helpforpickyeating, #recipespickyeaterswilleat, #recipesfussyeaterswilleat #winnerwinnerIeatdinner, #Recipesforpickyeaters, #Foodforpickyeaters, #wellington, #NZ, #judithyeabsley, #helpforfussyeating, #helpforfussyeaters, #fussyeater, #fussyeating, #pickyeater, #pickyeating, #supportforpickyeaters, #creatingconfidenteaters, #newfoods, #bookforpickyeaters, #thepickypack, #funfoodsforpickyeaters, #funfoodsdforfussyeaters

Therefore, if your child knows they don’t have to accept what is being served because something else is coming, it can really affect progress as – again – they are predetermining they won’t like something and therefore not setting out to attempt to like it.

Intentionality can make a big difference to outcomes whether it be sports, a maths test, or eating.

My advice: I suggested that Kath found something to serve alongside the food box meals that would be accepted. Finding a compromise is often the perfect way to negotiate so both parents and children ‘win’.

Offering, for example, some wraps to serve alongside the chicken or some pasta to go next to the mince. In this way the children don’t spend all day worrying about dinner and in fact, often are looking forward to parts of it.

The more relaxed we are, the more likely we are to eat. So, if your child comes to the meal expecting to enjoy it, the chances are they will. It also makes the other foods less confronting on a few levels:

1. No obligation. They do not ‘have’ to eat them. The choice is back in their court. This was proven magically the following night when the 5-year-old son tasted the ‘weird’ mince, liked it and had three helpings!

The “I don’t like it bite”. Fussy eaters NZ, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, wraps, #helpaddingfoodsfussyeating, #foodboxesfussyeaters, #helpaddingfoodforpickyeaters, #foodboxespickyeaters #theconfidenteater, #fussyeatingNZ, #pickyeatingNZ #helpforpickyeaters, #helpforpickyeating, #recipespickyeaterswilleat, #recipesfussyeaterswilleat #winnerwinnerIeatdinner, #Recipesforpickyeaters, #Foodforpickyeaters, #wellington, #NZ, #judithyeabsley, #helpforfussyeating, #helpforfussyeaters, #fussyeater, #fussyeating, #pickyeater, #pickyeating, #supportforpickyeaters, #creatingconfidenteaters, #newfoods, #bookforpickyeaters, #thepickypack, #funfoodsforpickyeaters, #funfoodsdforfussyeaters

2. Familiarity. There are foods at the table they are comfortable with so they are not worrying about hunger if they don’t eat. Children know they can eat so can relax and enjoy the food. This often leads to more experimenting (see point above).

3. Positivity. The way we think about things has an enormous impact on outcomes. If the other foods are ‘neutral’ rather than “I won’t like them”, they are far easier to contemplate.

Dinner is the crunch point for most families where a child struggles to eat well. It is also likely that meals will not be as you would like them to be in the short term.

However, there are also ways that the family meal can be pleasant and relaxed, regardless of whether your child eats well or not. Does all of this help?

Also, if you know other families where the “I don’t like it bite” rules, please forward!

*name changed to protect privacy. Story shared with permission.

Judith, MA Cantab (Cambridge University), MSc Psychology (first-class honours), is working on a PhD, is an AOTA accredited picky eating advisor and internationally certified nutritional therapist. She works with 100+ families every year resolving fussy eating and returning pleasure and joy to the meal table.

She is also mum to two boys and the author of Creating Confident Eaters and Winner Winner I Eat Dinner. Her dream is that every child can approach food from a place of safety and joy, not fear.

Learn more about Judith here: https://theconfidenteater.com/about/

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