The Confident Eater

Menu
Book your no cost mini evaluation

Fussy eating, when doing the ‘right’ thing isn’t enough!

Blogs / By
When doing the ‘right’ thing isn’t enough?, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForFussyEaters, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForPickyEaters #TryNewFoods, #TheConfidentEater, #FussyEatingNZ, #HelpForFussyEating, #HelpForFussyEaters, #FussyEater, #FussyEating, #PickyEater, #PickyEating, #SupportForFussyEaters, #SupportForPickyEaters, #CreatingConfidentEaters, #TryNewFood #PickyEatingNZ #HelpForPickyEaters, #HelpForPickyEating, #Wellington, #NZ, #JudithYeabsley

Fussy Eating, when doing the ‘right’ thing isn’t enough!

Working with over 100 families a year, as a Picky Eating advisor, gives me enormous insight into what is happening day in day out, in relation to fussy eating in countless homes around the world.

I spend hours speaking to parents through my no-cost initial consultations and personalised workshops with families and despite the unique aspect of every home and every child, there are many commonalities.

Today I wanted to talk you through some of the things I see over and over. What I have discovered is that often parents are getting many of the basics ‘right’ but are falling at some of the hurdles that recovery from fussy eating throws in our way.

In fact, if I had to comment on one of the most common mistakes parents make it is not doing the ‘right’ thing for long enough and consistently enough.

Perhaps reading this may help some parents identify that they are indeed on the right track and just need to keep going!

Common hurdles to doing the ‘right’ thing’

1. THE solution. Parents are often searching for THE solution. However, fussy eating is a spectrum. There are children who prefer not to eat vegetables, ones who find pizza terrifying and others who will gag at the smell of oranges. It is not realistic to think that all of these can be supported using exactly the same formula.

When doing the ‘right’ thing isn’t enough?, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, Children, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForFussyEaters, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForPickyEaters #TryNewFoods, #TheConfidentEater, #FussyEatingNZ, #HelpForFussyEating, #HelpForFussyEaters, #FussyEater, #FussyEating, #PickyEater, #PickyEating, #SupportForFussyEaters, #SupportForPickyEaters, #CreatingConfidentEaters, #TryNewFood #PickyEatingNZ #HelpForPickyEaters, #HelpForPickyEating, #Wellington, #NZ, #JudithYeabsley

Every child is different, as are their ages, stages, their reasons for finding food a battle and the environment in which they live.

Although there are definitely strategies that are supportive for a wide range of children, there is not one template we can use for all.

It’s the reason I have put ‘right’ things in quote marks because of course there is no one ‘right’ way.

2. Magic bullet. Very similarly, there is no magic fix. Resolving picky eating is normally a long-term project.

Studying and understanding many of the diverse systems used by experts around the world to help families support their children with fussy eating, I also know that all of them require time, energy and commitment.

3. Consistency. One of the most common reasons parents struggle to get results, is due to consistency.

This is not a criticism, in fact, it is the opposite.

Virtually no one realises just how often we must repeat actions as a parent in order to get results. This is why I commonly relate fussy eating back to reading.

When doing the ‘right’ thing isn’t enough?, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, Reading with baby, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForFussyEaters, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForPickyEaters #TryNewFoods, #TheConfidentEater, #FussyEatingNZ, #HelpForFussyEating, #HelpForFussyEaters, #FussyEater, #FussyEating, #PickyEater, #PickyEating, #SupportForFussyEaters, #SupportForPickyEaters, #CreatingConfidentEaters, #TryNewFood #PickyEatingNZ #HelpForPickyEaters, #HelpForPickyEating, #Wellington, #NZ, #JudithYeabsley

We spend years reading to our child without hearing a word back, and yet carrots are given months or even weeks before they are declared a fail.

Knowing that familiarity is bred over months and months of effort, can seem depressing, but if we do think in reading terms, it makes sense. A child does have to see foods regularly and consistently to build the basic comfort level necessary to be able to manage steps forwards.

The good news is though, that once they get used to doing this, things can speed up dramatically.

4. Discounting progress. Many parents are fabulously doing the ‘right’ thing, and things are working but they do not realise progress is being made.

I speak to parents every week who are getting so many things ‘right’ but give up because they feel that their child is not responding in the way they expect, is not seeming to make any progress, or they feel that what they are doing is not working.

So often what parents are doing is working really, really well, they are just not noticing the signs of progress. If their child doesn’t eat something new, then everything is a bust.

When doing the ‘right’ thing isn’t enough?, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, infant crawling, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForFussyEaters, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForPickyEaters #TryNewFoods, #TheConfidentEater, #FussyEatingNZ, #HelpForFussyEating, #HelpForFussyEaters, #FussyEater, #FussyEating, #PickyEater, #PickyEating, #SupportForFussyEaters, #SupportForPickyEaters, #CreatingConfidentEaters, #TryNewFood #PickyEatingNZ #HelpForPickyEaters, #HelpForPickyEating, #Wellington, #NZ, #JudithYeabsley

But eating does not work that way. There are many steps along the path to eating and only looking at the final step, which is putting it into the mouth, chewing and swallowing prevents many parents from continuing with things that really are working.

It is like having a baby and being disappointed that they are crawling, because we want them to walk. We all know that crawling is a step on the way to walking and that it is great progress.

With eating as a society, we have become very focused on the eating part and can fail to see all the mini steps along the way.

For example, having a child that is disgusted by a specific food but then accepting it onto their plate, could be a massive step forwards. No, they are not eating it, but it is part of the progression towards eating and for them could be a big breakthrough. Therefore what the parents are doing is working!

5. Belief in yourself. It’s so important that parents truly believe they can make a difference.

I know that fussy eating is super frustrating and that the more we try things that fail, the more difficult it is to believe it’s possible we can help our child. In fact, often as time goes on, we start to think that our child is beyond help.

It’s important to put this into perspective as I hear the same thing over and over again. Indeed, almost every family I have worked with has called their child stubborn around food.

When doing the ‘right’ thing isn’t enough?, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, stubborn girl, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForFussyEaters, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForPickyEaters #TryNewFoods, #TheConfidentEater, #FussyEatingNZ, #HelpForFussyEating, #HelpForFussyEaters, #FussyEater, #FussyEating, #PickyEater, #PickyEating, #SupportForFussyEaters, #SupportForPickyEaters, #CreatingConfidentEaters, #TryNewFood #PickyEatingNZ #HelpForPickyEaters, #HelpForPickyEating, #Wellington, #NZ, #JudithYeabsley

But being stubborn is perfectly normal. Having very strong emotions around food is logical if food is a challenge. Saying no is much safer than saying yes, and the more we say no the more we get used to saying no.

I also know that parents are almost always the ones best placed to work with their child and support them to add new foods to the diet.
Part of being able to do this effectively is to know, believe and then behave as though you are able to make positive changes. Which you can!

6. Support and strategies. Most parents ask friends, family, various community services and often the GP for help. What they receive is a hodge podge of advice – often conflicting – and not necessarily helpful for their situation and the age and stage of their child.

My best advice is to trust your gut. If something feels wrong for you or your child, it generally is. I have spoken to countless parents who have tried things in desperation that they have known deep down is not a fit for their child.

When doing the ‘right’ thing isn’t enough?, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, believe in yourself, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForFussyEaters, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForPickyEaters #TryNewFoods, #TheConfidentEater, #FussyEatingNZ, #HelpForFussyEating, #HelpForFussyEaters, #FussyEater, #FussyEating, #PickyEater, #PickyEating, #SupportForFussyEaters, #SupportForPickyEaters, #CreatingConfidentEaters, #TryNewFood #PickyEatingNZ #HelpForPickyEaters, #HelpForPickyEating, #Wellington, #NZ, #JudithYeabsley

Conversely, see the points above. Often the boring stuff that doesn’t seem to work for your particular brand of ‘stubborn’ child is actually the ‘right’ thing, it just needs to be done more consistently or with less pressure and stress.

What can you do?

Firstly, it’s important to appreciate that there is rarely a magic fix, particularly if you have spent months or even years going in one direction instead of the other.

However, there are strategies that are almost universally supportive:
i) Consistently serving the foods we want our child to learn to eat

ii) Always making interactions around food positive

iii) Setting out to make a difference

iv) Sharing family meals

v) Having children involved around food on many levels

If you would love to check whether you are doing the ‘right’ thing, feel free to get in touch for a no-obligation chat.

When doing the ‘right’ thing isn’t enough?, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, Judith with client, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForFussyEaters, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForPickyEaters #TryNewFoods, #TheConfidentEater, #FussyEatingNZ, #HelpForFussyEating, #HelpForFussyEaters, #FussyEater, #FussyEating, #PickyEater, #PickyEating, #SupportForFussyEaters, #SupportForPickyEaters, #CreatingConfidentEaters, #TryNewFood #PickyEatingNZ #HelpForPickyEaters, #HelpForPickyEating, #Wellington, #NZ, #JudithYeabsley

Judith, MA Cantab (Cambridge University), Post Grad Dip Psychology (Massey University), is an AOTA accredited picky eating advisor and internationally certified nutritional therapist. She works with 100+ families every year resolving fussy eating and returning pleasure and joy to the meal table.

She is also mum to two boys and the author of Creating Confident Eaters and Winner Winner I Eat Dinner. Her dream is that every child is able to approach food from a place of safety and joy, not fear.

Learn more about Judith here: https://theconfidenteater.com/about/

Scroll to Top