Anyone who has followed me for any length of time will know that this is one of my “catch cries” when it comes to food for any child, picky or not.
Sharing not staring is a really important concept for our fussy eaters and yet, all the advertising we see shows us the opposite!
Staring not sharing is our cultural norm
The advertising that we see promotes having the baby/toddler/child seated and parent spooning food into the mouth.
It’s not that there is anything drastically wrong with this, but I always think about how something feels for an adult when I’m looking at strategies for supporting a child to eat more comfortably.
If we are out for dinner with a friend and one of us is eating and one of is not, it would be really uncomfortable. But we do this all the time, especially with really young children.
What’s more comfortable in an adult situation is both parties eating.
Why it’s great to share, not stare
When it’s an adult and a child together there are other important reasons for us to be sharing the food too:
1. We are modelling eating. No, I am not expecting a parent to eat pea mush! But we can eat some real peas whilst our child eats the mush.
2. Eating the peas shows our child in pictures what we want them to do. It gives them a bar to chase. This is where they are heading, what they will be eating as they get older/more competent eating.
3. Sharing is communal. It makes food about more than the eating. It changes the focus to a time of sharing and communicating.
4. It’s a shift in power. Instead of us pushing the food onto them we are “breaking bread” together.
5. We often take away the spotlight. If we have a child that is uncomfortable about eating, being placed as centre of attention can put unnecessary pressure upon them. When we’re eating too, that focus shifts.
If you are feeding your child in the traditional way and it’s not working, this may be an easy way to test something new. Pumpkin puree? eat some roasted cubes, apple puree? whole apple!
I’d love to hear what you do in your house. Your experience could be a great help to another parent.
Judith is a PhD candidate in psychology, MSc Psychology (first-class honours) and is a graduate of Cambridge University. She is an AOTA accredited picky eating advisor, internationally certified nutritional therapist and neuro-motor development practitioner. She works with 100+ families every year resolving fussy eating and returning pleasure and joy to the meal table.
She is also mum to two boys and the author of Creating Confident Eaters and Winner Winner I Eat Dinner. Her dream is that every child can approach food from a place of safety and joy, not fear.
Learn more about Judith here: https://theconfidenteater.com/about/