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Feed like you read

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Feed like you read, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, #TheConfidentEater, #FussyEatingNZ, #TryNewFoods #HelpForFussyEating, #HelpForFussyEaters, #FussyEater, #FussyEating, #PickyEater, #PickyEating, #SupportForFussyEaters, #SupportForPickyEaters, #CreatingConfidentEaters, #TryNewFood #PickyEatingNZ #HelpForPickyEaters, #HelpForPickyEating, #Wellington, #NZ, #JudithYeabsley

Feed like you read™

Feed like you read has become one of The Confident Eater™ catchphrases when speaking about resolving fussy eating.

It started way back, when worked with a lovely family where some things were going well, and others were a bit of a disaster.

Mum had done an excellent job of providing nutritious food for her son, but mealtimes were really stressful for all of them.

Mum dreaded evening meals and I’m sure the same was true for her son.
On the other hand, Dad had taken on the responsibility of reading stories every night. Unlike dinner this was always a warm and relaxed time. It was that perfect mix of bonding and snuggling and learning.

Mum was suitably miffed that her time was a roller coaster of negativity and dad got happy hour!

Fortunately, fixing roller-coaster mealtimes is one of the quickest and easiest things to do, in a space where many things aren’t! If you work with us one on one, this is something that we can turn around almost immediately.

Yes even for the children who only have one or two dinner options!

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Looking closely at the family who couldn’t have pleasurable meals but had lovely reading time, got me wondering about why. How can the same child experience two different family activities in the same night and one be a source of joy and the other be a trial for everyone?

As I advise parents, “look for the things that go right, figure out why they were a win and then see if there is any way to replicate that in other situations”. This was one of those moments for me.

And for once, I took my own advice 😉

For the family we looked to see how we could replicate as much of the feeling around reading as we could whilst at the table and how they could learn to feed like you read.

How to feed like you read in 4 easy steps

When you read with your child everything often seems to come together perfectly:

Quality time – your child wants to spend that time with you. In fact, if your children are anything like mine were, it’s tough to get away (short books for the win).

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Bonding – it is a nurturing time when you are both bonding and teaching/learning.

Relax – you are often able to tune into the moment and just enjoy those shared moments with your child.

Highlight – your child is looking forward to it and you’re confident you can deliver.

When you feed, can you replicate the positives from reading?

When it comes to meals, many of these same elements can be used to make dinners a more harmonious and pleasurable place to be for everyone.

Quality time – there is no reason that dinners cannot be quality time. If you sit together, it may be the only time in the day that all members of the family are in one place at the same time.

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You can capitalise on that. I still love meals with my boys as it is one of the few times when we are all free of the noise and distraction of our busy lives. I know in my house (young adults) it’s also one of the rare occasions we’re all ‘unplugged’. 

Rather than thinking about work and other commitments it’s a place where we can talk and catch up with each other. Which brings us nicely into the next point.

Bonding – mealtimes are primarily about bonding, not eating. I know that seems like an odd thing to say, but spending quality time with your child is more likely to lead to competent eating, than focusing on mouthfuls.

Think of how little you would want to eat, if someone was counting your mouthfuls at an extended family dinner. Rather than the broccoli being the main topic of conversation, make it about the people at the table.

When you are reading, yes you are speaking the words and looking at the pictures, but reading is about so much more than just the words. You are communicating all sorts of other messages about how you feel about your child and how invested you are in them.

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Relax – studies show that the more relaxed you are, the more likely you are to eat.

If you get at all fluffed of feathers you are unlikely to want to eat. If I’m angry or stressed or upset, I am not thinking about eating the food on my plate.

In fact, even physiologically, you are less likely to eat if you are arguing or upset or stressed. The body’s response to these triggers is to go into flight, fight or freeze mode. When this happens, non-essential functions like digestion shut down.

If you are fighting over the broccoli, then it will not get eaten. Yes, you want to ensure your child can eat vegetables, but pushing them to do so rarely ends in long-term wins.

As the parent you create the atmosphere for your child. If you are relaxed and enjoying the meal, then it’s more likely that your children will too. You set out to model the behaviour you would like to see.

Highlight – meals can become the highlight of both your and your children’s day.

Ensuring you all look forward to meals makes a big difference.

Feed like you read, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, family meal, #FeedLikeYouReadWithFussyEaters, #FeedLikeYouReadWithPickyEaters, #TryNewFoods, #TheConfidentEater, #FussyEatingNZ, #HelpForFussyEating, #HelpForFussyEaters, #FussyEater, #FussyEating, #PickyEater, #PickyEating, #SupportForFussyEaters, #SupportForPickyEaters, #CreatingConfidentEaters, #TryNewFood #PickyEatingNZ #HelpForPickyEaters, #HelpForPickyEating, #Wellington, #NZ, #JudithYeabsley

If your child is feeling pressured or anxious they will not be excited about coming to the table.

How can you feed like you read?

There are some really practical ways to support this process:

Start small – begin with one meal and consciously choose not to comment on how much is being eaten or mention anything about foods your child decides to eat (or not).

If it is only one meal and they decide not to eat a lot, it is not a disaster in the swing of the day/week.

Provide a comfort food – if you always serve a food your child is able to eat they are more likely to come to the table happily. They are also able to put something in the tummy so you can worry less about pushing them to eat.

The food you serve does not have to be a favourite, or a requested food, just something that you know your child is capable of eating.

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Role model calm – take some deep breaths before the meal and approach the table feeling (or projecting) calm.

Smile and talk about things that interest your child. Tell them how lovely it is to spend time with them at the table. Show them how to have a relaxed meal through your words and actions.

Share the food – even if you are not eating with your child, have some of the same foods on a plate to nibble on. Sharing rather than staring makes for a better meal😊

If you set out to feed like you read, I know you will find meals more pleasurable and so will your child!

Judith, MA Cantab (Cambridge University), MSc Psychology (first-class honours), is working on a PhD, is an AOTA accredited picky eating advisor and internationally certified nutritional therapist. She works with 100+ families every year resolving fussy eating and returning pleasure and joy to the meal table.

She is also mum to two boys and the author of Creating Confident Eaters and Winner Winner I Eat Dinner. Her dream is that every child can approach food from a place of safety and joy, not fear.

Learn more about Judith here: https://theconfidenteater.com/about/

1 thought on “Feed like you read”

  1. Pingback: Why your fussy eater can’t try foods | The Confident Eater

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