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Solutions for eating slowly

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Solutions for eating slowly

A common complaint about fussy eaters is they eat too slowly. Often mind-numbingly slowly. The food could evaporate more quickly.

Children eating slowly is frustrating. Particularly when you are tired, you are busy and often have other places to be or other things to do. This pressure keg can inadvertently create a control issue too.

Note, the advice contained below is super useful for any parent whose child does not eat widely and well regardless of speed of consumption 😉

Is this your child?

– They chat about anything and everything with zero focus on the food

– Food gets pushed around the plate or forms fantastical patterns, but little actually gets into the mouth

– They are up and down from the table, and EVERYTHING is more important than the eating

– Food gets held in the mouth

– You are looking at 30 minutes minimum for them to eat, and often it is double or triple that

What is ideal?

This depends on the age of your child and what your family norms are.

However, taking more than 30 minutes to complete a meal is classified as a feeding problem.

Also, studies show that, in general, the majority of the food gets eaten in the first 20 minutes and very little after that. One study found that if a toddler stays at the table for more than 30 minutes, they burn more calories than the extra they ingest!

Solutions for eating slowly, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, #TheConfidentEater, #FussyEatingNZ, #TryNewFoods #HelpForFussyEating, #HelpForFussyEaters, #FussyEater, #FussyEating, #PickyEater, #PickyEating, #SupportForFussyEaters, #SupportForPickyEaters, #CreatingConfidentEaters, #TryNewFood #PickyEatingNZ #HelpForPickyEaters, #HelpForPickyEating, #Wellington, #NZ, #JudithYeabsley

When you have a very picky eater, a little one, or a child who seems light for their age, it is tempting to see every mouthful eaten as critical.

Unfortunately, if this spills over into unhelpful practices it does work against you long-term.
The first step to resolving most things is to identify the issue:

Why is your child eating slowly?

It can be a good idea to look carefully at what’s happening at each meal for a week and see if you can spot patterns.

Below is a list some of the common reasons why a child may be a slow eater, and you can see which of these resonate for you.

There may be one reason, there may be a combination of many. From there you may find some ways to counter some of the challenges.

1. Your child is not hungry. Or not hungry enough.

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Is it first thing in the morning and they are still groggy sleepy, or did they have a bottle 30 minutes prior so are full of fatty, filling milk?

It is common for children to be ravenous after school/creche/Kindy and so want to demolish everything in the cupboards. How much is your child eating before dinner?

Or are they driving you crazy as you’re desperately attempting to get a meal on the table so you’re throwing packets of crackers at them?

2. They are full. This could be because they ate too soon prior to the meal.
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Or it could be because they guzzle water or milk before eating. It is easy to fill up a tummy with liquid and then not feel hungry.

Children can get full very quickly if they are not used to eating meals. If they are a ‘top up’ eater where they graze throughout the day, it gets more difficult to eat a proper meal as the stomach is not expecting it.

Having a small appetite can be circular. You do not eat properly, so your stomach shrinks so you cannot eat a big portion, so you eat less and the cycle repeats.

3. They have already eaten enough. It’s absolutely possible to eat enough during the day so there is no need to have a big dinner. And this is not necessarily a problem, provided they have also eaten the foods that are important to include in the diet and it hasn’t all been easy carbs and snacks.
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4. There are distractions. TV, media, reading or toys all suck focus from eating for your child.

5. The food is inappropriate/not to their liking. I am certainly not advocating cooking exactly what your child loves to eat at every meal but being realistic about what is manageable. If they have never eaten plain pasta, the lasagne is likely not going to be accepted.

6. Your child has lost interest/is bored. It is common for children who are very selective eaters, to get less and less enthusiastic about food. When they see the same foods over and over again, the food becomes boring.

If they are eating merely to fuel and not for pleasure, food can lose its appeal.

7. You are in the middle of the eating equation. Often, the meal is all about you. Are you able to get your child to finish the whole plate? Can you get them to eat their broccoli?

Research shows that pressure is the enemy of competent eating, as is a parent who spends the meal ‘directing/dictating’ outcomes.

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8. You are giving unintentional rewards. Perhaps because they are so slow to finish breakfast, you let them eat in the car, spoon feed them, or even swap the Weetbix for a muesli bar.

Or because you do not want them to go to bed hungry, you offer ‘option B’ for dinner, which is a favoured food.

9. Attention. Because they are eating slowly, you are focused on them. Even negative attention is attention!

Mealtimes and especially dinner is when your child gets your undivided attention. Often in busy days this is the only time you are sitting down and focused on them, and they do not want it to end.

Or you are rattling around doing a million other things and they are looking to drag out the time that you spend focused on them.
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10. Power. Eating slowly can be a form of resistance. It can be a child exerting their control over you, knowing it pushes buttons. This may not be conscious, as such, but a means of gaining additional attention.

11. Control. Children are powerless in many things and so having control over something like food can help restore some of the balance that leaves them feeling disempowered in other areas.

12. Anxiety. It is common to channel worries and fears into food. This can manifest itself as hesitation and being slow to eat.

Spending time critically evaluating which of these reasons (or others that you think of) that may play into WHY your child is eating slowly, can be extremely useful.
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If you’ve identified that your child is probably not hungry enough, or is vying for attention, is helpful as then you can look for solutions to those key problems and over time support better eating.

Solutions for eating slowly

1. Make sure your child is hungry coming into meals:

i) If they are over 2 years old, then leaving at least two hours (often 3 hours works better) before a main meal is a great idea.

ii) Limiting drinks and especially fatty, filling ones for a period of time before the meal

iii) Not allowing gallons to be drunk at the table (a classic, food avoidance trick!)

iv) Serving water rather than milk as a drink with meals

v) Limit or even eliminate grazing so your child is eating at regular intervals, not ‘topping up’

2. Offering small portions to begin with. A large plateful of food looks challenging and can be off putting. You can always add more.
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3. Being present. If you sit with children at the table, they often do mess around less and focus more on the eating than when you are half there and half completing other tasks.

4. Prevent distractions like TV, media or toys taking focus away from the table and the eating. Often children do sit more easily and even eat more when distracted, but long term it is not a great strategy for raising a competent eater (spoiler alert, they miss out on a lot of learning)

5. Control the environment in a positive way. Young children are often not particularly comfortable at the table on an adult sized chair. Or they are at a little table, but it is not the most comfortable place to sit.

This can be distracting and cause unnecessary squirreling around.

Or maybe it is the dog stealing concentration, or your child is hyper focused on other things happening.

Eliminating unnecessary negatives is always a plus.
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6. Appropriate food. Do not short-order cook however, it is important food is appropriate for your child. If they are unable to mix foods, then only having a lasagne or a stew is unrealistic.

Make allowances for everyone who comes to the table. Not having any food there that can be enjoyed does not make for a pleasant mealtime. I would not want to be at a dinner party where none of the food was things I enjoyed.

7. Boredom is common among picky eaters, which reduces interest in and love of food.

Part of ensuring this does not happen is serving different things. Even if foods are not currently getting eaten, having a piece of tomato and some carrot on the plate alongside the sandwich makes it look different.

What small changes can you make to your child’s food to change it up slightly? Is it a new flavour of chippie or a roll instead of bread?
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8. Removing yourself from the eating equation. This can be challenging.
Many parents of fussy eaters believe they must push, spoon feed, cajole or remind their child to keep going or food will not get eaten. Or it will but they will be twice as slow. Or they will not eat the foods you really want them to eat.

Long-term taking away that independence from a child prevents them learning to eat in a confident way. Trusting them to make their own decisions within boundaries is important.

9. Inadvertent rewards. Think carefully about whether you are inadvertently rewarding behaviour that you would like to stop. It is so easy to do it without realising it!

Every time you focus on negative behaviour, like eating slowly, you are giving it airspace.

As challenging as it can be, changing that for specific praise for any behaviour that is positive can produce far better results long term. Even if it is “thank you for washing your hands before coming to the table” or “I love the way you are holding your cutlery”.

10. Attention. Are mealtimes the only time that your child gets your full attention? Believe me, I get it, I often feel like I need a clone just to get everything done in a day!

A foster mum with 3 children told me their mealtimes went on for ages, as in hours. It was not about the food at all, but the children wanting more time with their new mum. Once she offered personal time for each with a book after dinner it did speed up the meal.
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11. Power. Driving you crazy with snail paced eating can be a control thing. It is almost guaranteed to get a reaction – even a negative one. If you are staying at the table the whole time until they finish, bonus points for them!

However, this is likely not be a conscious decision on their behalf. It may have started as a power/control issue but now is just months of habits. It is very challenging to break that without you making the change. It is also a behavioural rather than a food issue.

12. Anxiety around food is common for children. If your child comes to the table and is uncomfortable, it is logical and natural for them to delay eating. If eating is challenging, why not put it off? If you feel this is the case, can you reduce that discomfort for your child?

13. Direct (non-food) rewards can be a positive and a negative, so it is important to think through the possible upsides and downsides. If you have a younger child, then letting them know you will have time for a special book or bath after dinner if you can finish by a certain time can be a good motivator.

For older children offering additional screen time as a one-off motivator can reveal what they are capable of if there is incentive.

You do though, have to be careful not to create a new power struggle in doing this.

14. Set time limits/parameters that you stick to. Give a warning before dinner comes to a close.
Solutions for eating slowly, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, #TheConfidentEater, #FussyEatingNZ, #TryNewFoods #HelpForFussyEating, #HelpForFussyEaters, #FussyEater, #FussyEating, #PickyEater, #PickyEating, #SupportForFussyEaters, #SupportForPickyEaters, #CreatingConfidentEaters, #TryNewFood #PickyEatingNZ #HelpForPickyEaters, #HelpForPickyEating, #Wellington, #NZ, #JudithYeabsley
15. Inserting a snack. This can be a way to take pressure away from you, and thus in turn your child. If you are worried your child is not eating enough to get them through the night without waking, for example, then cutting down on time spent at dinner but adding in supper can be positive.

It is important though that supper is filling, not thrilling. It is not an ‘option B’ and more desired than dinner. It is something that can be eaten but is not a favourite.

Although, there is no magic fix, working through these lists and evaluating change you could make, is definitely worth a whirl and may help resolve eating slowly.

Judith, MA Cantab (Cambridge University), MSc Psychology (first-class honours), is working on a PhD, is an AOTA accredited picky eating advisor and internationally certified nutritional therapist. She works with 100+ families every year resolving fussy eating and returning pleasure and joy to the meal table.

She is also mum to two boys and the author of Creating Confident Eaters and Winner Winner I Eat Dinner. Her dream is that every child can approach food from a place of safety and joy, not fear.

Learn more about Judith here: https://theconfidenteater.com/about/

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