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Fussy eating, when doing the ‘right’ thing isn’t enough!

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When doing the ‘right’ thing isn’t enough Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, #TheConfidentEater, #FussyEatingNZ, #TryNewFoods #HelpForFussyEating, #HelpForFussyEaters, #FussyEater, #FussyEating, #PickyEater, #PickyEating, #SupportForFussyEaters, #SupportForPickyEaters, #CreatingConfidentEaters, #TryNewFood #PickyEatingNZ #HelpForPickyEaters, #HelpForPickyEating, #Wellington, #NZ, #JudithYeabsley

Fussy Eating, when doing the ‘right’ thing isn’t enough!

Working with over 100 families a year gives me insight into what is happening in feeding
day in day out, in countless homes around the world.

And despite the unique aspect of every home and every child, there are many commonalities.

Today I wanted to talk you through some of the things I see over and over.  Often parents are getting many of the basics ‘right’ but are falling at some of the hurdles that recovery from fussy eating throws in your way.

Common hurdles to doing the ‘right’ thing’

If I had to pick one of the most common mistakes parents make it is not doing the ‘right’ thing for long enough and consistently enough.

Perhaps reading this may help you identify you are indeed on the right track and just need to keep going!

1. THE solution. Parents are often searching for THE solution. However, fussy eating is a spectrum. There are children who prefer not to eat vegetables, ones who find pizza terrifying and others who will gag at the smell of oranges. It is not realistic to think that all of these can be supported using exactly the same formula.

When doing the ‘right’ thing isn’t enough?, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, Children, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForFussyEaters, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForPickyEaters #TryNewFoods, #TheConfidentEater, #FussyEatingNZ, #HelpForFussyEating, #HelpForFussyEaters, #FussyEater, #FussyEating, #PickyEater, #PickyEating, #SupportForFussyEaters, #SupportForPickyEaters, #CreatingConfidentEaters, #TryNewFood #PickyEatingNZ #HelpForPickyEaters, #HelpForPickyEating, #Wellington, #NZ, #JudithYeabsley

Your child is different, as is their age, stage, their reason for finding food a battle and the environment in which they live.

Although there are definitely strategies that are supportive for a wide range of children, there is not one template you can use for all.

It’s the reason I have put ‘right’ things in quote marks because of course there is no one ‘right’ way.

2. Magic bullet. Similarly, there is no magic fix. Resolving picky eating is normally a long-term project.


When studying and understanding many of the diverse systems used by experts around the world to help families support their children with fussy eating, the common thread is all of them require time, energy and commitment.

3. Consistency. One of the most common reasons parents struggle to get results is consistency.

This is not a criticism, in fact, it is the opposite.

It’s hard to overstate just how often you must repeat actions as a parent in order to get results and is the reason I commonly relate fussy eating back to reading.

When doing the ‘right’ thing isn’t enough?, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, Reading with baby, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForFussyEaters, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForPickyEaters #TryNewFoods, #TheConfidentEater, #FussyEatingNZ, #HelpForFussyEating, #HelpForFussyEaters, #FussyEater, #FussyEating, #PickyEater, #PickyEating, #SupportForFussyEaters, #SupportForPickyEaters, #CreatingConfidentEaters, #TryNewFood #PickyEatingNZ #HelpForPickyEaters, #HelpForPickyEating, #Wellington, #NZ, #JudithYeabsley

You spend years reading to your child without hearing a word back, and yet carrots are given months or even weeks before they are declared a fail.

Knowing that familiarity is bred over months and months of effort, can seem depressing, but if you do think in reading terms, it makes sense. Your child does have to see foods regularly and consistently to build the basic comfort level necessary to be able to manage steps forwards.

The good news is though, that once they get used to doing this, things can speed up dramatically.

4. Discounting progress. Many parents are fabulously doing the ‘right’ thing, and it’s working but they do not realise progress is being made.

Often parents are getting so many things ‘right’ but give up because they feel their child is not responding in the way they expect, is not seeming to make any progress, or think what they are doing is not working.

What if what you are doing is working really well, you are just not noticing the signs of progress. For example, if your child doesn’t eat something new, then everything is a bust.

When doing the ‘right’ thing isn’t enough?, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, infant crawling, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForFussyEaters, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForPickyEaters #TryNewFoods, #TheConfidentEater, #FussyEatingNZ, #HelpForFussyEating, #HelpForFussyEaters, #FussyEater, #FussyEating, #PickyEater, #PickyEating, #SupportForFussyEaters, #SupportForPickyEaters, #CreatingConfidentEaters, #TryNewFood #PickyEatingNZ #HelpForPickyEaters, #HelpForPickyEating, #Wellington, #NZ, #JudithYeabsley

But eating does not work that way. There are many steps along the path to eating and only looking at the final step, which is putting it into the mouth, chewing and swallowing prevents many parents from continuing with things that really are working.

It is like having a baby and being disappointed that they are crawling, because you want them to walk. We all know that crawling is a step on the way to walking and that it is great progress.

With eating as a society, we have become very focused on the eating part and can fail to see all the mini steps along the way.

For example, a child who is disgusted by a specific food but then accepts it onto their plate, could be a massive step forwards. No, they are not eating it, but it is part of the progression towards eating and for them could be a big breakthrough. Therefore, what you are doing is working!

5. Belief in yourself. It’s important that you truly believe you can make a difference.

Fussy eating is of course, super frustrating and the more you try things that fail, the more difficult it is to believe it’s possible you can help your child. In fact, often as time goes on, you can start to think that your child is beyond help.

But I’d like to give some perspective as one of the repeating messages I hear is that a child is ‘stubborn’ around food.

When doing the ‘right’ thing isn’t enough?, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, stubborn girl, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForFussyEaters, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForPickyEaters #TryNewFoods, #TheConfidentEater, #FussyEatingNZ, #HelpForFussyEating, #HelpForFussyEaters, #FussyEater, #FussyEating, #PickyEater, #PickyEating, #SupportForFussyEaters, #SupportForPickyEaters, #CreatingConfidentEaters, #TryNewFood #PickyEatingNZ #HelpForPickyEaters, #HelpForPickyEating, #Wellington, #NZ, #JudithYeabsley

However, being stubborn is perfectly normal. Strong emotions around food are logical if food is a challenge. Saying no is much safer than saying yes, and the more you say no the more you get used to saying no.

But it’s important to recognise that you are almost always the one best placed to work with your child and support them to add new foods to the diet.
Part of being able to do this effectively is to know, believe and then behave as though you are able to make positive changes. Which you can!

6. Support and strategies. Most parents ask friends, family, various community services and often the GP for help. What they receive is a hodge podge of advice – often conflicting – and not necessarily helpful for their situation and the age and stage of their child.

My best advice is to trust your gut. If something feels wrong for you or your child, it generally is.
Many parents have tried things in desperation that they have known deep down is not a fit for their child.

When doing the ‘right’ thing isn’t enough?, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, believe in yourself, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForFussyEaters, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForPickyEaters #TryNewFoods, #TheConfidentEater, #FussyEatingNZ, #HelpForFussyEating, #HelpForFussyEaters, #FussyEater, #FussyEating, #PickyEater, #PickyEating, #SupportForFussyEaters, #SupportForPickyEaters, #CreatingConfidentEaters, #TryNewFood #PickyEatingNZ #HelpForPickyEaters, #HelpForPickyEating, #Wellington, #NZ, #JudithYeabsley

Conversely, see the points above. Often the boring stuff that doesn’t seem to work for your particular brand of ‘stubborn’ child is actually the ‘right’ thing, it just needs to be done more consistently or with less pressure and stress.

What more can you do?

First, it’s important to appreciate that there is rarely a magic fix, particularly if you have spent months or even years going in one direction instead of the other.

However, there are strategies that are almost universally supportive:
i) Consistently serving the foods you want your child to learn to eat

ii) Make interactions around food super positive

iii) Set out to make a difference

iv) Share family meals

v) Have your child involved around food on many levels

If you would love to check whether you are doing the ‘right’ thing, feel free to get in touch for a no-obligation chat.

When doing the ‘right’ thing isn’t enough?, Judith Yeabsley|Fussy Eating NZ, Judith with client, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForFussyEaters, #WhenDoingTheRightThingIsntEnoughForPickyEaters #TryNewFoods, #TheConfidentEater, #FussyEatingNZ, #HelpForFussyEating, #HelpForFussyEaters, #FussyEater, #FussyEating, #PickyEater, #PickyEating, #SupportForFussyEaters, #SupportForPickyEaters, #CreatingConfidentEaters, #TryNewFood #PickyEatingNZ #HelpForPickyEaters, #HelpForPickyEating, #Wellington, #NZ, #JudithYeabsley

Judith, MA Cantab (Cambridge University), MSc Psychology (first-class honours), is working on a PhD, is an AOTA accredited picky eating advisor, and internationally certified nutritional therapist and neuro-motor development practitioner. She works with 100+ families every year resolving fussy eating and returning pleasure and joy to the meal table.

She is also mum to two boys and the author of Creating Confident Eaters and Winner Winner I Eat Dinner. Her dream is that every child can approach food from a place of safety and joy, not fear.

Learn more about Judith here: https://theconfidenteater.com/about/

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