Help for teens who are picky eaters
Teens can be an alien quantity. I know, I have one and another on the cusp! They are filled with hormones and the need to be independent whilst paradoxically still wanting many things done for them. When things go wrong in any area it can be a real challenge to turn things around.
Eating is a big part of all of our lives so what can we do if our teen is a picky eater?
Help for teens who are picky eaters
Although my focus, as a picky eating advisor, is working with families with a 2-12, year old, I have supported many parents who have a teen. I have also worked with young adults who have reached a stage where their picky eating is becoming overwhelming or inconvenient and are looking for a change.
In working with these families, I see two main types of fussy eater. Firstly, those who have never eaten well, and secondly, those who have become more and more restricted in their eating choices as they have become older.
NOTE: This is not a discussion of eating disorders like anorexia nervosa but a conversation about children who find the thought of eating variety difficult.
Type 1 – if your child never ate well but you were consistently told ‘they will grow out of it’ then you are not alone. Being advised to just relax and it will all be okay is one of the most common picky eater myths. Does it happen? – for sure! Is it always the case? – no.
How do you know whether to leave it or not? There are many benchmarks, for example, number of foods eaten and general approach to new foods. If you have a child who has a limited diet and is never (or rarely) adding new foods and who has a very negative attitude towards trying anything out of the comfort zone, it is going to be very difficult for them to suddenly change eating habits.
Type 2 – your child ate reasonably well when they were younger but are wanting to eat less and less of the family foods now.
Again, this is not about calorie restriction but about food choices.
How can we help our teen? – Step 1
Getting teens to do anything that is not exactly what they would like to do can be a real challenge. Therefore, my suggestion is to be as prepared as possible. This starts with an objective understanding of what is happening now. I recommend spending a week quietly observing.
Things to look for:
1. What are they eating across a week? Keeping a private tally can be helpful. Often, like toddlers their eating is erratic, but when you add things up across a day/week there is less to worry about.
2. What seems to hold them back? Is it dislike for the foods on offer or is it more that they feel they are being forced to participate in a meal at an inconvenient time? Or is it that have been snacking prior so are not hungry? Establishing why can be helpful, especially as habits around food are mighty powerful!
3. Which foods do they seem to enjoy?
If our child has always been picky, it is also helpful to find out whether they have an interest in eating differently. Although a child may have been picky from the get-go, peer pressure or feeling uncomfortable can motivate a teen to want to change.
If this is the case, working as a team to overcome challenges can be really powerful. Finding out which foods are top of the wish list can also be useful.
How can we help our teen – Step 2
Leverage all advantages. Although teens are all different, there are some common themes. Which would work for your child?
1. The path of least resistance. I have boys who although not lazy, love things to be simple. My teen will open the cupboard and groan as it is full of ‘ingredients’.
When I want things to be eaten, I make it as easy as possible. If I want fruit on the menu, I chop an irresistible fruit salad for breakfast, and it gets demolished. If I want them to eat yoghurt, I will whip up a berry smoothie and make it easily accessible. You get the picture.
This can also work well if you are looking to avoid too much ‘junk’ being consumed. Firstly, buy less. The less it is around, the harder it is to eat.
Then create easy access to the foods you would like eaten – like fruit in a bowl near where they ‘lounge’. Or have ‘grab and go’ bags that have a selection of healthy snacks inside, for example.
2. Involve our teen in the planning around food. I normally ask for a quid pro-quo. Yes, we can have your favourite meal of x, but in return you accept that on another night it is your brother’s choice and even if that’s not your first pick, it is for him.
Or, set parameters. I’d like you to plan a meal that has a protein a carbohydrate and 2 vegetables, for example.
3. Rather than nagging to help our child to eat differently or better (this is a tricky one for me) the best way to achieve this is not by telling them. Far more effective is to consistently provide good choices, role model eating it pleasurably and make it as easy as possible for them to eat well.
4. Create an atmosphere conducive to eating. If the meal table is a place of love, connection and laughter (regardless of what gets eaten) then everyone is more likely to want to come and to stay. Although we may feel our teens are too old to learn new things from us, it is surprising how much influence we still have as parents, even if on the surface that is not what is being expressed!
5. Be as neutral as possible around food and food choices. The more emotionally charged something is, the less likely it is to get eaten.
Even though it may seem counter-intuitive, praise for eating something we are pleased about can also add unnecessary attention and create pressure or discomfort. Being blasé usually works more effectively.
Although there are rarely magic bullets around eating, the things we do consistently will be the ones that are enduring. Even if you feel things are totally off the rails at the moment, there are usually ways to get things back on track and moving in a new direction.
If you do have a teen who is super selective and has been since they were little, all is not lost. I have worked with many families where some small tweaks have made a difference and where it has not created additional tension and friction. In fact, often it has been a positive. I know that sounds hard to believe but it is true. The easier it is the better it works for everyone, so that is the focus!
Judith is an AOTA accredited picky eating advisor and internationally certified nutritional therapist. She works with 100+ families every year resolving fussy eating and returning pleasure and joy to the meal table.
Judith is also mum to two boys and is the author of Creating Confident Eaters and Winner Winner I Eat Dinner.
Learn more about Judith here: https://theconfidenteater.com/about/